a relief

"kong kong like papa and popo like mummy"

it's been so long since those words and how i cry sometimes thinking about it for so many reasons. fearful and thankful alike.

God bless you both.

A

i clasp my pillow tight tonight, eyes closed. hoping to have open them and find that i was holding you. oh, damn these pangs of you.

can we say?

i've been watching and connecting every detail to and about you.
but tonight, i will invite you in - lay you down and show you what it means to live.
come not through my door, but my window ; it's more exciting and worthwhile that way.

into my box

there is this part of discovery which makes it exciting.

it's not the anticipation of knowing that you will find out, but the unsuspecting notion that it was never what you first thought it would be.

just cause.

and when morning comes, i will wait. love, i will wait.
for it was during the night that i walked amongst the stars, hidden between the clouds while the moon kept herself as my guiding light.

and when dawn fell upon your face, i found my sunrise.

a river that flows between two trees.

when you finally wake up, you'd realise that you were actually living all along and then decided that it was better to go back to sleep, dreaming. that's where you truly live.

the irony.

when i think of you, i write.
and when i write, i think of you.

a dilemma

some would love to keep you in their pockets and have you all for themselves, but i'd rather set you free into the world and watch you grow.

guiding lights.

when anger besieges you, let peace infiltrate the walls of your heart.

greetings.

hi, do we know each other ? i think we've met before.
i can't remember, but i know i've seen those eyes somewhere.

hello, ghost.

i find the fear captivating in knowing the unknown while pursuing the shadows of the known.
i am the dead and undead alike - i am shadow - i am at rest - i am at peace.
i will hover into bodies and find spirits to play with me.

hello ghost. playwith me.

still

i'm free falling in a direction i'm unaware of - finding neither the course being upwards or the other way round. don't forget to catch me.

Come back down

i am beyond words and all comprehension of who you are and where you came from and what you're made off.
i refuse to understand, really. Understanding eliminates the joy of true experience.

looking into this.

and as i stare into the tuscan sun, i contemplate life and everything in between.
and deduce, chaos left unto the hands of God is better than left into the hands of man.

medication

i've tried all sort of drugs and medication to keep myself awake. to keep me sane. to keep me going. they all fall short of glory.
and nothing kicks better than you in my mouth, wrapped around my tongue.

quote

and then life happened.

500 days of summer.

and as the world we know comes to closure

i'm looking for the sky where the sun, moon and stars live and play.
they get along - like children at the playgrounds and sandbox toys.
i'm seeking the escape, where no drug can satisfy.
and amongst the clouds, i'm still searching for signs of you.

to put into perspective.

don't feel the way you do when i feel so much more for you.
your disappointments become my hurt as like needles into skin.
let me be true: let this feeling within you fade like the night of day as you let love, hope, faith and justice guide your way -

you're too significant to be insignificant.
as in your eyes you see a different perspective, through mine, i see so much more. so much more.

the state you'll never find me

if i found myself lost in the land of broken dreams, i'm sure one day you'll find me at the corner street diner sipping my coffee. we'd meet, exchange greetings and catch up with a little chat.

i'd offer to pay for your mocha, made just the way you like it; no whip cream and an espresso shot depending on the day.

we'd cover ourselves with conversations, laughs and smiles - glazing into one other's eyes.
we'd talk about the past, contemplate about the present and prepare for the future.

that's if you catch me at the corner of that diner by the street.

the ways we used to say

and allow me to drift away, into sleep, into you and through you.
there's nothing more peaceful and calming than the transition moment of being awake and falling asleep - very much like twillight; the way night meets dawn as it beckons.

but this is different. in this moment, i'm stuck with you and i'd rather be stuck than not.

who says words come from the lips ?

say that you love me. just say it. i know you do. i just want to hear it from your mouth. as i trace the way your lips move as you say it. tell me again, so i can whisper it back to you. to let you hear the way it's meant to be said. softly.gently.comfortably. say that you love me. let me hold you as you say it. you can even lie to me while saying it. i just want to hear you say it.

sunshine

and when you rose today and had yourself upon me, it reminded me of you.
selfless, warm and true - sparing none under your casting shadows.
in this great open road, i am searching for those signs in the sky.
although, none of which will ever lead me to you.
i will fight my way through the forest, demons and dragons, up the castle to make my way to you.

smile

chi khan/fei - cod night 1 08

it's amazing how you're able to put the smile back on my face.

especially when it was so hard for this sun to shine.

today2

and today is probably the lowest of the unknown.
yet, we all have been there and have escaped.
as of now, all i can ever do is hate

for what it's worth.

for what it's worth, words do come SHORT at moments when
the intense need to FATten things are required.
Males may find the similarities of being ASSes.

But, with you - i choose to dictate and deviate stereotypes.

why?

simply because you deserve it & maybe... you've put your spell on me, while i've fallen head over heels for you.
sue me.

you are more than words can say you to be.
remember

15th

i would give my heart away to the gods if they could turn back time and allow me to meet you again on that warm, cool night. if only.

fairy lights are pretty when you're ugly

go ahead, be unhappy.
cry, sulk, and worry.
be angry. hate. be agitated, irritated.
pissy even. say all them nasty things.

i'll be here to calm you down when you're ready.

just so you know.

i had one of those 'you-know-what' kinda dreams again with 'you-know-who'.

just in case you come around again.

you called and decided upon it - i heeded and had no choice but to accept it.
you live with your decisions and impulses - i deal with your decisions and impulses.

you can't expect static and similarity when you've decided change and opportunities.
that's life.

i've come to learn it.

the lonely red string.

where the wind blows is where i naively want to be.
but, honestly, going in the opposite direction seems a lot more interesting.

smile for it's only sunday, a day more.

today, i crash and burn. just like those who have gone before me.
today, i fought with myself. contending between the binaries between me.
without clear satisfaction; i feel unworthy.


i can only look so far as to the distance hope can take me, but without faith, nothing can guide me.
and without Love, nothing will mean anything to begin with anyway.

somewhere only

tonight, i will make love to you. like no other. despite the distance. i will make love to you.

you will find us in a space where no one else meets, knows or can follow. it's a place where only you and i know.
there, i will undress you. embrace you. and breathe you in - once again.
here, i will hold you. understand you. and take you in - all over again.

let these warm hands keep away the cold and shelter you in this place we call and know as home.
now, let me take you there and i will make love to you.

perfection.redefined.

i'm falling in love with all your imperfections.
every freckle, pimple and scar.

it reminds me that you're human.

i'm falling in love with all your imperfections; they are where they are supposed to be - perfectly.

it's better when what you read makes less sense, but feels the same nonetheless.

i'm reaching out, can you hear me ?
i'm touching you, can you see me ?
i'm forcing these hands to find your heart, can you feel me ?

alas, there you are. i feel thee.

another day to wish and dream

i pick out the days which i see best to make me feel good. That would mean Mondays are Wednesdays I'd rather not see, but Friday's are simply ecstatic for me.

Welcome to the gateway of the weekend.

flashing lights and moving stars

as stars crossed the sky that very night, i choose to look beyond the clouds and keep my eyes on the static stars. that's where beauty beholds itself. ever-lasting.

it very much works the same with you. ever-lasting.

v

there's just been too many theories and music written on 'gravity'.
i don't need gravity to remind me to come down, nor need it to remind me how similarly, it pulls me to you.

I'm merely reminded about that space between you and me; it directs me to you.

dreaming without money.

let us go, you and i, to unknown places and different spaces.
where the eyes will find gaze at structures, people and things which will set us in awe.
let us taste different foods, drink and share different meals of a kind.
let us hop on buses, travel by trains and ride on horses even - just to move between dots on this rusty map.
let us walk between the hills, amongst the people even, or through plains of grass with nothing but our hats.

let the road by widen between different paths and time be of no essence.
let this be a dream within a lifetime, a dream which will prosper, a dream that will work itself to come true, some day soon.

i have found the sweetness in lips and skin.
of a different kind which proves not to kill you.

watch me

i am sure you know that leaving behind gifts are natural, but this will lead to further desires. i will never disappoint.

the way we are.

they claim to know you. to know your likes. your dislikes.
your tastes in good music and fine wine.
but i've discovered you. in ways only lovers can imagine.

like a rockstar.

if you see this friction which exists between two bodies, it doesn't necessarily have to be a terrible thing. friction can be sexy too; with a little dirty talk.

next station

if only i met you as we crossed paths at the exit of a train.
that way, i could get close to you without feeling intrusive of space, breathe the same air you breathe and steal that momentary glance of you without you noticing.

tracing you

i am no artist. but i will trace every fine detail of you with my eyes and sharpen it with the edges of my mind for my fingers cannot do anything more to create the conturs and shapes to which makes you a masterpiece to perfection.

when chaos seeks to destroy itself.

they have asked me question about life, love and lost.
yet, not many answers.

as far and as much as i know, there isn't much too complex about it.

in life - we live.
in love - we embrace.
in lost - we find again.

yet, if we seek to put an emotion into love - we find ourselves distraught; because we bring our own experiences, intepretations and emotions into it - and we are a sorry state of living creatures - intoxicated by ways of the corrupt and dirt.

thus, let us excuse emotions into love - placing it as a seperate but embedded entity - which draws man unto woman; in ways that cannot be explained and governed by words, but of through the heart, soul and mind of one's conscience - guarded by the body and embraced by the lover.

sweet surrender.

the new

i think confidence is the new sexy. would you like a piece of it ?

245 is a time we all sleep and some of us wake

sometimes, we all fear. we all falter. we all fall.

i cannot promise you that you will never fall and that i will always catch you. i am human.

but, i promise you that with my utmost strength, i will soften that fall by falling with you and

give you wings to fly again.

even if i have to rip my own wings out.

kiss me

for kissing you under the rain was random, it became spontaneous.
but having to embrace you under those soft pallets of raindrops, it became different.
vastly. and appropriately.

bliss

and in that moment, bliss never tasted so damn good between sheets and mid air feats.